You're Entitled to Your Opinion, No Matter How Wrong It May Be

We have this goldfish named Fillet. At this very moment, he is in the aquarium next to me, swimming from one side of his tank to the other and back again, over and over and over. It's like he's an Olympic swimmer doing laps.

All I keep thinking is "Goddamn, Fillet. You're an idiot. Would you please relax?" Then I realize, there are a lot of people like Fillet, and sometimes I'm one of them.

Yesterday, a bright friend of mine brought an atrocity to my attention: a book was being used to brainwash seemingly impressionable children. Since I couldn't possibly reach all those children in time to fit them with aluminum foil hats, I dared enter the den of the brain washers themselves.

Before we go further on this blog post, it needs to be explicitly noted that I do not begrudge anyone their religious beliefs, or any other beliefs for that matter. I subscribe to the school of thought that everyone has a right to their opinions and preferences, and as long as no one tries to impose their lifestyle or belief system on me, my world is spinning in greased grooves.

My issue is when people try to manipulate easy prey, or are themselves intolerant. Case in point, the dastardly behavior of the zealots and lackies who were pushing their brain washing epistle on tykes.

The literary drivel in question featured a lovable dinosaur and a furry little monkey taking a guided tour through the Grand Canyon where they found the bible and its teachings. It hurts just thinking about it.

Since when did monkeys and dinosaurs start vacationing together, and why must they accept Jesus Christ as their savior? Is there a dinosaur hell and no one ever told me?

Attempting to patronize children with such brain-poison is ludicrous. Anyone who has children knows how intuitive they can be, and how suspicious they are of "lessons" being imparted with the subtlety of a flame thrower. Children are not going to read this book and think "gee whiz, I should go read the bible." If they're anything like my kids, they're going to read the book and be disappointed because, at no time did the monkey fling poo at an unsuspecting dinosaur.

I remember as a kid, someone gave me a stack of Archie comic books. We didn't have comic books at home, so this was a big deal to me. No sooner did I begin reading them, I realized these were not legitimate Archie comic books at all, but rather pseudo-Archie comic books trying to shove religion down my throat. I was a kid and I was appalled, not merely by the transparently offensive attempt to trick me into buying into some message, but also by the fact that now there was no way Archie was ever going to have sex with both Veronica and Betty, because he'd probably have to get married before he'd have sex, and therefore be forced to make an "either/or" choice. I was never able to look at Archie, Jughead, Moose or the rest of the gang the same way again.

Not only did I not fall prey to the author's mind control, but I actually had a strong desire to shun this and any other religious suggestion. Most children probably foster the same contempt for such manipulation, and will do the exact opposite of what is being suggested.

So why produce this book at all, if it's not going to elicit the desired result?

We entered an on-line discussion group to find the answer to that question, and we were greeted with hostility and intolerance.

Instead of debating the matter, or offering a logical defense for their tactics, the believers attacked us personally, asking how we could be so foolish as to not share their faith, and then instructing us to retreat back to the primordial ooze from which we had crawled. To this, we responded with requests for tolerance and an honest exchange of opinions, but were met flatly with contempt. This behavior was shocking, because at no time did we exhibit any sarcasm or silliness ... well, ... still, they were mean to us.

Fanatics don't do tolerance. Try convincing a staunch conservative to consider a liberal's agenda, or vice versa. Try enticing a militant vegan to taste a cheeseburger. Try getting a zealous Christian to consider an evolution that does not include god, a dinosaur, or a monkey traveling companion. You're suggestion probably won't be considered, discussed, or even tolerated. More than likely, you'll be dismissed as a fool, because zealots believe their opinions are right, and any dissenting opinions are wrong.

Even in the face of such rejection, though, I suspect I will, just like Fillet, continue to bang my head against the partitions that block me in, hoping to break through and find rampant enlightenment among my fellow man. Until then, I'll be drowning in frustration, and striving to protect young, fertile minds from the mind control of various oppressors. First, I need to get my hands on a boat-load of aluminum foil.