What Van Gogh Didn't Know

For some strange reason, ears have played a memorable role in forming our social fabric. Take the 1888 severing of Vincent Van Gogh's ear; some believe he mutilated himself, while historians believe fellow artist, Paul Gauguin actually cut the ear off with a sword in an effort to protect himself from Van Gogh's attack (Van Gogh was upset that Gaugin was moving away). No matter how it happened, Van Gogh did present the liberated ear to a prostitute, who fainted.

Most people remember Van Gogh was an artist, but nearly everyone remembers his ear was lopped off.

More recently, an ear took center stage when, in Quentin Tarantino's cult hit "Reservoir Dogs," Mr. Blonde danced to Stealers Wheel, straddled a bound, seated "beat cop," whom he'd captured, and methodically vivisected the cop's ear with a straight razor. Mr. Blonde then tickled himself as he engaged in a brief conversation with the dangling appendage.

In every day life, ears face even stranger risks.

When I was a kid, only ladies pierced their ears, and even then, many preferred the "clip-on earring" alternative. Of course, those were the days when people wore suits and dresses to baseball games.

During my adolescence, defiant rock 'n rollers of both sexes began piercing their ears, and girls began getting a second, or even a third hole pierced in one ear or the other.

Today, piercings have evolved to a point where everything imaginable is being pierced, not just ears. Any more, it's almost common place to have a waiter or waitress lisp their way through the day's specials because they have a stud in their tongue.

Like tattooing, piercing has become a method for personal distinction, and I marvel at peoples' willingness to undertake such extreme measures to achieve uniqueness. A recent trend, though, makes me laugh. This would be the act of "stretch piercing," or "gauging."

Instead of merely piercing one's ear lobe with an 18-20 gauge hole (which is typical), devotees of stretching strive to grow the hole gradually. I assume they do this to accommodate larger and larger jewelry, but oft times, the hole is merely left wide open and the skin flaps in the breeze. As is the case with wire, gauges grow in size as the number decreases. For example, an 18 gauge hole is approximately 1 mm in diameter, while a zero gauge is 8 mm (1/3"). Gauges are measured up to "000" which is 11mm (7/16"), but the holes have been known to get stretched far beyond that size.

Of course, ear lobes aren't the only things to get stretched. Some people (like this guy)give the works to their septums, while others (like the lady below) expand their lips, but we're discussing ears, here, so I'll try to stay on point.










What strikes me funny about this is not the personal expression, or the whistling that can probably be heard as gusts of wind blow across one's shoulder, but rather the image it conjures in my own mind.

Back in grade school, while learning about the Spanish explorer, Cortes, we learned of a game call Ullamaliztli. As early as 1200 BC, the Aztecs played this game where teams attempted to send a heavy rubber ball (9-15 pounds) through a small (35" diameter), wall-mounted ring 8-10 feet above the playing surface. This is the epic game where it's believed the losing coach, or team, or even the fans would be sacrificed immediately after the match. Over time, though, that theory has come under criticism. Since being sacrificed was considered a privilege, it's believed the WINNING team (or fans or coach) was sacrified.

Can't you just hear the conversation at home before that game? "See ya, honey, I'm off to the Ullamaliztli match downtown. I'll either be home for dinner, or sacrificed, depending on how the home team does."

Because of my own personal life history, every time I see someone with gauges in their ears, I imagine little Aztecs on that person's shoulders, trying to kick a rubber ball through their hoop. I also imagine little poodles jumping through the hoops at the circus, but that's actually pretty disturbing.

Now, every time you see those gauges you'll probably have similar images. perhaps you should have worn your aluminum foil hat before you started reading this ...