Honey! Have You Seen the Broom???

July 19th has not always been kind to the fairer sex. Just ask Sarah Good who perished on this date in 1692 in Massachusetts after failing to convince a judge, a jury and a vengeful crowd of fickle townsfolk that she was not a witch. Fortunately for her, Monty Python was not there doling out sentences, and instead of being burned at the stake while wearing a carrot for a nose, she was hung. Of course, regardless the method, the result was still the same.

It's been nearly 320 years since that ill-fated moment in history, and now, Cathleen Miller of Chicago Ridge, Illinois has been arrested. Apparently, the 40 year-old mother has been accused of getting her 14 year-old daughter's young male friends drunk, high and laid. Testimony alleges she had intercourse with two of the teens, oral sex with another, and merely fondled a fourth.

Of course, the parents of the boys are outraged, and for good reason. As a parent of two young boys, I find her behavior reprehensible and would seek full legal recourse if my children were involved. However, if I was a 14 or 15 year-old boy, I would have been hanging out at Cathleen's house ... a lot!

Ironically, both of these July 19th events began as crimes against youths, though there is some skepticism about the whole witch saga.

Compelling testimony exists to support the young boys' claims against Cathleen, but back in the 1690s, teenaged girls provided nothing more than theatrics and fanciful stories to play upon the superstitions of the adults within their communities. Sarah Good was little more than a homeless wife, and mother of a 4 year-old daughter. She actually delivered an infant while in prison, but only after both her husband and daughter were forced to testify against her. Her infant didn't survive her time in prison, and the 4 year-old (Dorothy, AKA Dorcas) was imprisoned as an accused witch as well. She was released when she was 5, but displayed the effects of that psychological trama for the remainder of her days - go figure!

So what of this? Is there some sort of karma on this date of which women should be aware? Unlikely. The messages here are probably a little more mundane and sensible.

First of all, we all need to recognize the power of suggestion, especially when it is being convincingly shared by a cherubic young girl. No matter the story's basis in truth, if it is compelling enough, some people will tend to believe it. And if enough people believe it, they may act on it. And if, by some horrible twist of fate, the fictional tale accuses you, be sure you have some traveling cash handy and a quick escape route picked out.

The only thing worse than being caught doing something wrong is being convicted of something you didn't do. Just ask Sarah!

The second lesson is use your freaking head!!! When your child brings friends home for a playdate, don't seduce them.

Ann Bancroft was an incredibly sexy woman, and Dustin Hoffman was a lucky son of a bitch to be propositioned by her, but that was all just a movie, and besides, Hoffman's character had just graduated from college, not 7th grade.

Cathleen is a very disturbed woman, but she's not alone. How often do we hear stories of school teachers having affairs with the young boys or girls who have been placed in their care?

The weird part is, the teachers usually aren't physically repulsive. They should be able to find age-appropriate partners (like this guy), although, to be fair, those hypothetical partners may not be as interesting as the youngsters since I don't know many 40 year olds who still play Chutes and Ladders, or build LEGOs. Well, for the sake of clarification, I don't know any 40 year olds like that who don't still live with their mothers ...

The world is, and always has been, a very strange place, and after a span of 317 July 19ths, it appears we haven't made any progress toward restraint or sanity.

And to think, all this time we've been afraid of Alien anal probes and mind control, when the real threat was an administrative clerk in a small Illinois town ...