GET IN MY BELLY!!!

I looked in the mirror this morning and realized I need to do one of two things: lose about 60 pounds, or buy a fun-house mirror that makes fat people look skinny. Since I made it through that crossroads with a slice of cold pizza and a diet coke, I'm thinking $65 for a carnival mirror might not be such a bad idea.

A few months ago, I dropped twenty pounds after four months of working out every day, reducing my caloric intake, and eating healthy foods. Then I fell off the wagon, stopped exercising, ate more food every day than a bull elephant, and invented a new concept: dessert after dessert. Usually, within an hour of so after my second dessert, I needed something salty and crunchy - hello chips!!! Let's face it, it was more like I jumped off the wagon with cinder blocks shackled to my ankles.

Why do we crave foods that are bad for us, and so much of it? After numerous successful diets, followed immediately by self-destructive over-consumption, I've come to realize that even though I feel and look better when I eat right and exercise, I still crave salt, fat and sugar. Why is this so?

Guess what ... CONSPIRACY!!!

Sugar and the taste of sweets stimulate the brain by activating beta endorphin receptor sites. These are the same chemicals activated by heroin and morphine. Face it, we're addicted to sugar and, as a result, after we deprive ourselves of it, we overcompensate as soon as we cave in and try it again.

People who are addicted to recognized drugs (ie: alcohol, heroin, cocaine, etc) or cigarettes endure intensive cleansings, become members of support groups designed to help keep themselves clean, and then have to avoid being around whatever it was to which they had been addicted. As difficult as that must be, it's achievable, but what in the heck do we do about sugar? It's in EVERYTHING!!! It's even in things that we'd never suspect would contain sugar, like McDonalds cheeseburgers.

Restaurants and food packagers recognize how addictive sugar is. The food they serve or sell is laced with sugar to hook customers. There's been research proving this. It's common knowledge, but still the practices continue and we continue to purchase those products ... BECAUSE WE'RE ADDICTED!!!

Imagine restaurants lacing their food with cocaine. - think this would raise a few red flags and immediately elicit government agency action? Me too. But not sugar. Nope. Sugar's legal and a lot of people make a lot of money off sugar, so what's more important, avoiding a fat population, or creating fat wallets? - stupid question.

Since we really can't afford to keep replacing our wardrobes to accommodate our ever-burgeoning waistlines, we need to take action and regain control over our own bodies. I, for one, intend to speak to a nutritionist to identify a healthy diet, and then I'm going to try to stick to it, and exercise. Then, I'm going to lose a bunch of weight. Then I'm going to celebrate with a spoonful of ice cream. Two months later, I will have regained all the weight I lost and will have added a few pounds beyond that for good measure. Then I'm going to bitch about my situation and complain about my lack of will power. Then I'm going to go speak to a nutritionist ...

Take off the aluminum foil hats, folks, and wrap the leftover brownies in it. That way, tomorrow morning, they'll still be moist and tasty for breakfast. Don't forget to heat the brownies, lay a scoop of ice cream on it, and then top the whole thing with chocolate sauce. Avoid the whipped cream, though. After all, we're dieting, remember?